More Lesson Hell

This is a post from my horseforum.com thread that I started when I got Max. I’m so lucky the forum is still around and I was able to go back and add it to Lipizzan Life.

My sweet boy is doing so great! My trainer is working on his topline and teaching him to be on the bit. I know it won’t be long before I am riding him all over trails and having fun together.

My lessons are going good too. I’m trying to work on being less emotional during my lessons. Last lesson I just shut down after 20 minutes because I was taking everything my trainer said personally, and I was getting wound up, and I knew I was getting to a place where I did NOT need to be on the back of a horse. I told her I was getting tired. My husband was there and as soon as we got in the car he said “I knew when you said you were tired you just meant you were tired of her”. He said she is a bit harsh. I dunno, I mean, I know she is good and she gets the job done, so I appreciate that about her. I just can’t take it sometimes. It’s not her job to coddle me though, it’s her job to push me and make me better. 

She’s great with Max in his lessons. Very patient. 

It’s kind of been getting me depressed. I started horseback riding as a fun treat that I had been wanting to do all my life. It’s fun when I accomplish a goal and am good at what I’ve been taught. It’s just weird that I have that one “ahah” lesson where everything is great, and I get it; and then for the next few weeks I just kind of feel miserable in my lesson. I’ll be fine for the first part of the lesson, and then a little ways in I feel like I’m being yelled at for three different things, and I just get completely overwhelmed and can’t even do the stuff I know how to do. 

I didn’t come into this thinking that I would go for dressage and even competing. I just thought I was going to learn to ride a horse so I could meander along a trail. I like where it’s going because I feel like I’m really learning to ride. I’m getting pushed farther than I thought I could go, and I get pushed more and more each time I go to the stable. So I like that, and I just need to realize that I am working towards being really good instead of just being kind of okay.

I’m sure it’s me. I feel like I am in the right place, and I feel like I am learning about horses and riding, but also personal self improvement lessons. It’s just a very painful process. 

I’m trying to focus on work more so that when I get to the stable, I have the “Ahhh I’m not at work” glow. Anything I can do to make my attitude better. I want to be open and take my lessons the right way instead of ruining them by being defensive and stressed.

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